Saturday, September 26, 2015


This last week has been excruciating. I've been to the hospital at least 2-3 times a week! 

1) My whole body is aching. It's like I over exercise myself and the pain never really goes away.

2) I think I'm leaking urine and I can't even control it. 

3) I'm always lying down in bed.

4) I'm too tired to do anything or go anywhere.

5) I hate myself.

6) My breast are leaking.

7) I'm just feeling sad all the fucking time. 

8) I really wanna be left alone.

9) I wanna be disconnected from the world. 

10) I hope that this is normal. 


This was Skipper. The first few years when we adopted him. He was handsome, stubborn, boisterous and always had a mind of his own. He loved to piss the whole family off, especially Daddy. He would bark at Daddy whenever Daddy ask him to sit. He would jump on Daddy's chair and rub his fur all over it.
Then, he would run in the house like some crazy dog to piss Mommy off and rummage through the rubbish bin. He would tear up letters and if left in the house, the whole curtains. He wasn't potty trained, or disciplined. He's the type of dog that would never win Dog of The Year, just because he doesn't give a f**k.

He has always been MINE because he would bark whenever I screamed. It was a training for him to know if I'm in danger. Then, he's so attached to me that I cannot leave my house/his sight without him barking till I came home. On Saturday when I sleep, he would sneak upstairs to look for me and jump and lick me till I wake up. He has always been there for me. No questions asked. 

In fact, he's used to doing whatever he wanted.... For almost 15 years. Today, again, he's stubborn for the last time and he spared me the decision to Put Him To Sleep. I've been crying my eyes out for 3 days now thinking that the treatments would work by Saturday.

Despite the fact that, being 4 years working in an animal clinic taught me otherwise. If he wasn't my dog, I know exactly what will happen. He won't last. But, he's more than my dog, he's my family, he's my everything. I'm guilty of wishful thinking.

He had kidney failure and he has suffered. He couldn't walk, move, stand up, lift his head up, eat, pee or poop. All he does is, to lie there. I guess, the pain was just too much.

All I want in the world right now, is to visit him for one last time. But, I can't. This is the first time I'm crying, and I have to wipe my own tears. My tears used to fall on his fur. That's why his fur is mostly white and not the glossy golden brown.

I've always thought that he would live forever. Well, baby comes soon and I would really love it if he could've waited to meet his baby. But dogs know. He knew that I'm going to be OK, and I might not need him as much anymore. I don't need to cry on his head anymore. I don't need hugs anymore because I have my hubby. 

Maybe he knows hubby will take care of me and he's also OK with it. But, I'm not OK with it because he died in a cage. (The whole vet clinic knows him because he ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO BE IN CAGES AND HE WILL BARK FROM MORNING TILL NIGHT), All alone, and when they wrap his body, he was all alone as well. I didn't get to see him or kiss him goodbye, all I could do is stay at home and cry. 

I fucking feel so useless. After all that we've been through, I just forsaken him like that. 

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

RIP Per Per

This is him before he got admitted. He couldn't move and he was whining because he was in so much pain.

This was the first day he got admitted. He still couldn't move, eat, drink, pee or poo. He looked absolutely miserable.

This was the last day, a few hours before he died. Thank God Daddy visited him but he showed no interest and was just lying there. It really breaks my heart into a million pieces looking at him like that. 

I really hate myself. I can't cry cause it affects baby. I can't visit my only sweetheart and give him a proper send off. I've never been so emotional in my whole life. He was my world. I can't do shit. I can only sit here and cry my eyes out day and night. I really fucking hate myself. 

He has done everything to show me that I meant the world to him, and how did I show him I loved him? I started living my life and neglected him... I'm a horrible human being. 

Monday, September 07, 2015

#9Months #36Weeks

Whoever that said a pregnancy is 9 Freaking Months should be shot in the head resurrected and pulled apart by 4 horsemen!

I clarified with my Dr., and he said pregnancies are normally 40 weeks = 10 Months. and most doctors considers 39 weeks as full term. 

My boss said I look like a Beluga whale. I feel that I'm not that HUGE. Hubby said I looked pregnant and this is the worst month ever. 

1) I fell down. Had an event at work and had to be there by 8AM. When I tried to get up from the bed, I felt woozy and decided to rest longer and when I tried to wake up again, it was OK, until I left the car to the entrance of my office. That's when I felt vertigo and fell. 

2) After working through the weekend, My thighs are aching, my knee where I hit when I fell is bruised, my arms feel like they weight a ton and I might have pulled a tendon or muscle on my right butt cheek and lastly, I feel as if I had a gang bang, in my anal. Huge, swelling haemorrhoids. 

3) Right now, all I want is seafood and if I don't get seafood, all I wanna eat is Salmon. 

4) I'm very impressed with my antibody. Touch wood, I haven't gotten sick since I got pregnant. It must either be the Anmum milk or the pregnancy supplement. 

5) Tiredness is back in full swing..... 

6) I can feel baby kicking/ punching my ribs and all my vital organs. 

7) There's this indescribable feeling of "nesting" that makes me keep buying baby things to ensure baby has everything. 

8) My backache is killing me. 

9) I can't lie down on my back because I find it hard to breathe. 

10) Sleeping is difficult because my bladder gets really full and its hard for me to turn. 

On another note, hubby said he got me a gift!!! HAHAAH!!! 

Monday, August 24, 2015

Hubby's Graduation

Since we couldn't make it to his first graduation in Hong Kong last year because we were in Singapore, he decided to join the local KL graduation at Eastin Hotel. 

He deserved every single moment because he has worked so hard and sacrificed so much just to get his degree. He had to "layan my kerenah", get married to me, pay for the wedding and his studies and handle life in general. 

I have so much love for him because he's everything I wished for and more. He treats me like a Queen and he's the best husband and will be the best daddy to our little baby. I couldn't be any happier and blessed to have him in my life. 

I've never liked graduation ceremonies because it's absolutely, ridiculously boring! I couldn't even sit still for 1 minute before baby start kicking and punching. He really doesn't like me sitting down. I think he feels cramped. HAHAHAH! Poor baby!

Here's some of our fav pictures of the day and we're both in Massimo Dutti. I'm not that huge right? RIGHT????

On the other hand, I was too bored and I decided to take pretty pictures of my mnologie personalized clutch. 

You can check them out on their MNO.logie (WEBSITE), FACEBOOKINSTAGRAM

Thursday, August 20, 2015


Well, Baby is getting stronger by the day. His punches and kicks are more painful especially when he kicks/punch my ribs/bladder.

I'm still exhausted and shopping for baby things are getting more and more tiring. It's seriously ridiculous!

Here's baby's stuff. From bouncers, diapers, mobiles, bathing essentials, breastfeeding pillow, detergents, towels, swaddles, toys, beddings, mothercare sterilizer starter kit, and clothing. I also have my essentials there like Perineal gel, maternity pads, breast pump, and breast pads.

This is his little bath tub, stroller and Fisher Price Books and Toys set. 

But, thank God everything is in place, just waiting for baby's arrival and just the crib, the Mother Care people will deliver and assemble.

It still hasn't dawned on me about how painful childbirth is gonna be. I think I'm tough enough, but we'll see. I don't know how true is it but people mentioned that your pain tolerance is higher if you don't consume Paracetamol. I don't consume it AT ALL and all these while, my pain tolerance was very high. I got stitched up without any anaesthetics when I got into an accident. I HOPE THE MYTH IS TRUE!

1) I feel like a balloon.

2) Baby is in birthing position right now. His head is facing down. Which is good but his legs are so strong that he's able to kick the wind out of my breath! And his strong hands punch my ribs all the time!

3) Baby is now #33Weeks. That's like 7 Weeks more to go!

4) Sitting down is uncomfortable AF!! I don't think he likes it when I sit down cause he moves, and punch and kick. 

5) I'm out of breathe easily. It's getting harder and harder to breathe!

6) Baby likes it when hubby "plays" with him. The Hubby puts his face/hand to my stomach, and baby will kick his face/hand. When hubby talks to him, he bounces and moves. 

7) Driving is becoming a chore. It's very uncomfortable. 

8) Milk is already flowing out of my tits. It's uncomfortable.

9) I pull the muscle in the weirdest places. 2 days ago, it was my ass cheek muscles. 

10) I couldn't be happier that Baby is growing stronger and bigger everyday! He should about 2kgs now. 

My stubbornness is still making me do everything on my own. Arranging baby stuff, driving and etc. I still do what I do before I got pregnant. 

Massimo Dutti Pre-Fall/Summer Stories 2015

I've always loved Massimo Dutti for the beautiful flow of their clothes. But, since I got pregnant, I haven't bought anything from my fav boutique. I don't use the term "Fav Boutique" loosely because I have very few; WAREHOUSE and occasionally Dorothy Perkins. 

Massimo Dutti is one of those boutiques where me and hubby can spend hours trying and falling in love with their clothes! It's been so long and the hubby generously allowed me to pick whatever I want so, I got these 2 piece from their Summer Stories 2015 collection and the dress is from their pre-fall collection. 

100% Silk Folk Print Blouse (RM399) which covers my bulging tummy beautifully in silk and floral print! It's so light and flowy! 

Ethnic Print Dress (RM599) is for hubby's graduation ceremony this weekend and since none of my maternity clothes were formal enough, I got this!!! Again, its beautiful, flowy and very light. Hugs the right places and flows at the right places! 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Why I Stopped Washing My Face

I read The Cherry Blossom Girl that lives in France (btw!) about how she doesn't use tap water to wash her face despite, living in France.

I'm in Malaysia and I highly doubt the water quality here would be better compared to France.

It's been a week since I changed my regime.

1) Spritz my face with AVENE.
2) Use my fav Thalgo Foaming Cleanser to wash my face.
3) Spray more AVENE.
4) Wipe off with Cotton pads.
5) "Rinse with more AVENE and wipe off with cotton pads.

1) I use my Clarisonic Mia 2 and the Clarisonic Deep Pore Cleanser.
2) I use my AVENE to dampen the brush head and my face.
3) Wipe off with cotton pads.
4) Rinse 2x with AVENE and wipe off with cotton pads.
5) I finish off with dampened cotton pad with Rose Water.
6) I spray another layer of AVENE on my face and allow it to dry after shower.
7) I apply my serum/ moisturiser.

It's been 1 week:
1) My skin is less oily and no new pimples.
2) My skin is smoother and my make up glides effortlessly.
3) I rarely use make up anymore.
4) My skin is noticeably smoother.
5) My pores are smaller too!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

#24Weeks #6Months and Horrible parents

We've come a loooong way from 7 weeks. I'm halfway through my pregnancy. *YAY*

Today, I want to talk about Parenting 101. Just this week, I've encountered 2 pair of parents that really shouldn't be a parent. I'm not judging but Parenting is a privilege, NOT a right. 

SCENE 1: I was resting on those round chairs in Curve in front of Charles & Keith, this dad and his 2 daughters sat down and one of those girls was just kicking the chair NON FUCKING STOP. It was so uncomfortable because I'm pregnant. I told the little girl off and told her to stop kicking the chair, they are other people seating on the chair and she's being selfish. The useless father just stared at me rudely, and instead of apologising, the douchebag pulled both his daughters hands and left. 

SCENE 2: A few weeks later, as I was browsing dress making templates in Spotlight, ipc with Mom and Karin, these family (Mom, Dad, Young Son and Daughter) was also looking around. Out of the sudden, the 2 brats (each pushing those basket trolleys, each) decided to run and shout halfway across the store and ended up crashing the trolleys into me. The parents just stared on and the mom, mumbled to her child, say sorry. 

The child refused and started pointing at each other and I shouted at the mom, I'm freaking 6 months pregnant, if anything was to happen to me, all you're going to say is "SORRY" and then blame each other. The father then came and started staring at me for shouting at his family. AT that time my mom and Karin came and started shouting at them too. The mom just mumbled a sorry and left. 

I really don't understand what kind of parenting "skills" these people have. They don't use their brains and they're so stupid that they shouldn't procreate. Having kids is a full time job, as parents, its their responsibility to teach simple, basic courtesy to their kids and not let their kids run wild. 

Like I said, I'm not judging and I hope this serves as a reminder to me and hubby to raise courteous kids. Courtesy and good manners cannot be taught, it has to be shown and lead by example. No wonder, we have so many people living in this world like they're the only one in it. So selfish, self righteous and stupid. You can be the most wealthiest or the most educated, without manners, you're nothing. 

1) I don't know if it's a bad thing or a good thing but I (still) don't look like I've swallowed a watermelon. In fact, my tummy is just slightly bigger. Dr. said that, it's nothing to worry about, I have a big stomach, so, baby doesn't stretch my stomach out.

2) We (FINALLY) know the gender of the baby!!!!!! Care to take a guess???

3) We (FINALLY) decided to start shopping for baby stuff because Mothercare was having a mid year sale and the sale was damn good! Avent bottles at 50%, Charlie Banana 2-in-1 diapers were 20% for a pack of 6. (Price outside is RM450, after discount is only RM380) Bibs, clothes, mittens and all baby clothing are 20%. Managed to get the Johnson's baby Newborn gift set for only RM35 cause Jason's Food Hall, BSC put the price wrongly. Original price is RM55.

4) Baby is very healthy, active and growing very well. Been kicking and punching me non stop.

5) The best Mothercare is in BSC. The largest Mothercare outlet I've been to, so far.

6) I'm back to being tired easily.

7) Mommy and Aunty Karin loves baby so much and got baby all sort of branded/designer onesies. 

8) I can't really decide if I want a Baby Shower or a Full Moon party. A baby shower seems less expensive, easier (Finger food/tea/venue) and there's no traditional crap. Mom, on the other hand, suggests a full moon party and there's so many Chinese beliefs and "nonsense" that I don't know/understand. It's also more expensive (Full Moon Box?!)

9) We have pretty much bought most things that baby needs. Just the big stuff like Crib, Baby Seat and Stroller. 
- Since we plan to Cloth Diaper the baby, I could really use more Charlie Banana Cloth Diapers; I love Project Child Save, Under Construction, Under The Sea and Matthew Langille Boy. I would also appreciate it it if the size is One Size (OS) It comes in 2 sizes and OS is the more longer lasting one. It's about 135SGD per box of 6 and they ship to Malaysia for 18SGD. 

- I also need as many Charlie Banana Washable Inserts as I can. Each pack comes with 3 inserts and I need about 3 packs SMALL and 3 packs MEDIUM/LARGE. 

You can find out why we decided to use Charlie Banana and not other cloth diapers through their website. It's better for the environment, better for the baby and cheaper in the long run. I use cotton pads when I'm menstruating and it always gives me rashes, more often than not. I cannot imagine wrapping a baby in diapers most of the day! It's really uncomfortable. 

10) I gained 4kgs. My rings don't even fit me anymore. But, Thank Heavens that I still don't have stretch marks. :)

Been thinking a lot about our finances and insurances. Raising a child, giving him/her the best in life isn't cheap. So far, I only have an investment account which I have to pay monthly.

I have no insurance whatsoever. But, I heard Prudential has an Infant care called PRUmy child. Will update more in my next post. 

Will be migrating this blog to Wordpress... Join me there? Baby stories, baby news and pregnancy updates will all be there!

Thursday, May 07, 2015

#18Weeks and #MaternityFashion Plus Size Maternity Clothes

TOP ROW L-R: Grey Nursing Dress from 9Months / Black Nursing Maxi from 9Months/ Black Midi Dress from 9Months.

MIDDLE ROW: Printed Dress / Baby Blue Top / Rayon Top all from H&M

BOTTOM ROW: Both printed dresses from 9Months and Cropped Pencil Pants from Mothers en Vogue.

I'm a plus size before I got pregnant. I was about UK12 and I wore mainly UK brands. Dorothy Perkins and WAREHOUSE and ASOS are my favourites! Followed by Massimo Dutti for tops and my standard black jeggings that I always buy for the past 3 years in the same size, color and cut is from Uniqlo. 

I realised as of today, I only own 2 pants. One of them is a 2 year old pair from Uniqlo which survived the animal clinic, Korea and hard core Pambassador trips. The jeggings are really resilient and durable. 2 years and extreme wear and it's still the comfiest pair I own. The second pair is from 9Months which WILL fit me when I have a full blown bump!

In conclusion, it's really tough for me to find pants before I was pregnant and it's more difficult now. Hence, I love dresses. I didn't really buy much clothes and if I do, I make sure that the clothes is bigger so, I have room to grow into. Pointless to be buying every 3 months. 

If you're like me, you can forget about buying from blogshops because they NEVER will fit. Here's a list of places where you can get maternity clothes, if you share my plight! 

1) 9Months
3) Mothers en Vogue
4) ASOS Maternity
5) Topshop Maternity

I don't like the trend of wearing really tight maternity clothes because before I was pregnant, I thought that it looked scary. I love flowy, summer dresses, loose fitting tops with my staple black pants, preferably. 

I'm 4 months plus and seriously, if you want to make the most of your money, buy clothes that will accommodate your belly. It will never stop growing. Unless you have tonnes of money to be buying new clothes every month. 

I haven't even bought bras yet because I'm waiting for my old bras to stop fitting before getting new ones. 

This week is a little down because God only know how I got Tonsillitis. My tonsils are swollen and I've been having gradual fever for the past 3 days. Managed to chase the fever away with Orange + Mango smoothies, water, sleep and massages till I sleep. The next day, my tonsils hurt and I don't even have cough or flu. 

Today, I nearly lost my voice because I have a bad cough. No idea where I got infected. Been at home sleeping, this long holiday and The Hubby is OK. 

Anyways more symptoms as my body keeps changing. 

1) I gained 2kgs. 
2) My breasts are still hurting.
3) Little drops of moisture comes out from my tits. 
4) I tend to release drops of pee when I sneeze/ cough. (NASTY!)
5) I go to the toilet multiple times at night. 
6) Still can't differentiate between my stomach fats and baby bump.