Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The 8th Deadly Sin- Deception

The 7 deadly sins namely Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride and I’m guilty of only 6 sins. Strangely, deception and lies isn’t one of the “cardinal sins” which is shocking because ALL humans lie. I guess I still have a little bit of conscience because I actually feel bad when I lie… especially when I lie to people I care and I love.

The lies I’m referring isn’t those little white lies like, “I’m already on my way” while you’re still at home or, “yes, mother? I’m in class” while you’re shopping or watching a movie kinda lie. The lies I’m referring to are major cardinal lies that hurt others badly.

I always justify my lies… I lie because I’m technically, indirectly, sortta, kinda and in a way, protecting my loved ones. I cannot bear to see them hurt. I’d rather hurt myself than them anytime. Another thing that I HATE is the fact that I constantly know things that I shouldn’t know. Or at least what people think I don’t know.

Before I even know a person personally or officially, I already know a lot about that person. A few months ago, I met this person A and when I remarked what I know A, A was shocked!! I mean, this is a random stranger that has no idea who I am!! It gets a little creepy sometimes but it’s all part and parcel of my major.

I recently stumbled upon a web of secrecy from my friends and family. This may sound that I’m overreacting but I really feel deceived and lied to. I know that they have their reasons and they’re afraid I might get hurt or I would like to think that they’re protecting me. At once, I feel like they’re all fakes and I hate liars!!!

Shi Nee and I had a lengthy discussion about these topics over the most heavenly Chocolate Belgian waffles and Pistachio and Raisins Pancakes over at Chocolate in 1 Utama. Somehow, I guess I should find my peace. Find a way in my heart to forgive them. The worst part is the acting because I have to act as if I’m clueless!

Acting comes naturally to me and I’ve perfected the art of Freeman. But can you imagine acting in front of your family and friends? 2 lies don’t make 1 right? Lol!! They started lying to me and I lied right back at them… Believe me, it doesn’t feel any much better! The web of lies just got even more complicated.

Maybe Shi Nee is right since she’s the “Voice of Reasoning” as she likes to call herself! Maybe I need to end this. Confrontation has never been my forte or my cup of tea! It’s innecessantly rude and much too hurtful to both parties. Haven’t they learnt? NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, LIE TO A LIAR!!!

Sigh. Going to miss my 1st week of college since Mr. Benedict isn’t my lecturer this semester and he won’t bug me to attend his classes!! Intend to rest and seriously treat Precious to really long, relaxing, energizing and peaceful walks!! Plan to keep the Idiot Box off and escape to Dante’s Divine Comedy, Suskind’s Perfume, Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream and Romeo and Juliet, and last but not least, my recently acquired Cody’s Messiah Code.

By the time I start college, I’ll be fresh and peaceful. Hopefully by then, I’ve found my peace and forgiven those involved. In a way I feel for Erik from Leroux’s Phantom of the Opera when he travelled from Mazenderan to Constantinople because he knows too much… Till then…

Have been out almost every week celebrating friend's 21st and social events... Feel awfully tired and this week will be clubbing to celebrate the Mink's 21st/ farewell and next week is only the party. My parents are going to murder me!! Its either I went home really late or I didn't go home at all!! It'll be over once the Mink leaves... oh, PASSION pictures will be up soon!!

August 8: Ili's Clubbing
August 10: Sofireena's Wedding
August 16: Padrekins going back to NY
: Ili's Official Birthday/ Farewell Party
August 22: Ili and Ann leaves Malaysia

~you know you love me~
Michelle May

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