Friday, August 22, 2008

Together we cried!

Today I cried. Together we cried. Today is THE day we send Ili and Ann off. We ( Shi Nee and I) spent the whole morning wrapping Ili’s gifts! Then Soon Seng picked us up and we went to KLIA. Ili was there with AT, her mom, her dad, her grandma, cousins, etc while Ann was there with her mom, dad, and bro.

Everyone was lost and blur because I doubt it that they could accept the fact that they’re leaving. All Ili did was hugged her family members and all. Ann doesn’t seem bothered (maybe she’s on drugs again!) but Ili was a real wreck!

I still remember when the 3 of us was discussing about what to do, how to react when Ili leaves, I remember clearly there were still 8 months. Then it became 9 weeks, and the next thing I know, Ann called up and wanted to meet because it’s the LAST FRIDAY.

I saw how families react when one of them leaves. I have no idea how mine will react when I leave. Maybe they’ll be like Ann’s mom who saw her until she boarded the plane, or maybe like Ili’s mom who left after Ili was out of sight?

It just hurts so bad that I held little Ili there and I feel that if I let her go, she won’t come back. I was already contemplating whether to scream “Jihad!! Bomb on the plane!!!” just to stop her from going. I saw her as she hugged Shi Nee, I saw her cry. Maybe Shi Nee feels the way I do. Maybe we thought that if we let her go, she’ll forget us.

There’s so many might have been or could have been and Ili is no longer part of it. After she boarded the plane, I realized that it’s only Shi Nee and I. We were at 1U and we weren’t hungry but somehow, we were just trying to use food to fill up our emptiness, the space where Ili used to be.

We talked about what happens when she’s over there. Will she replace us? Will we see pictures of her and blonde, white people having so much fun on Facebook? Will she find new friends and they will have a secret code, something that only they would understand? (Something that she used to share with us!)

Sometimes, people change. Change is inevitable. I hate it that some people don’t understand change. We cannot go back to the way we were back in high school and can’t they just accept it? Can’t they also accept that people change? People who may be your friends back in high school may not be your friends right now? So, why try so hard?

I’m just so angry and sad and depressed that I actually bought a Mercedes Benz polo for Padrekins for no reason! And even though it was on sale, it was still a little pricey! I learnt my lesson, when upset, never, ever, ever, go into a mall!!! Padrekins better appreciate it!! I mean, it’s so much better than the Hypertune polo that he wears all the time! Besides, he’s a fan of MB!!

Ili, if you’re reading this, things didn’t quite go our way. We thought of eating our usual Pesto with Chargrilled Chicken at Ms. Read and for the first time in many years we’ve been there, they ran out of Pesto!! UNFUCKINGBELIEVEABLE!!! And where ever we go, we think about you! Because of you, we’ve to stay away from 1U!!

Oh, And Ann, while waiting for Shi Nee’s bro to pick us up, we kept seeing the same white Kelisa that looks like your car! And we can’t stop thinking about you when you’re most probably half way on your transit to Taiwan and then US!

We already miss you guys so much! Will be attending Soon Seng’s party tomorrow and who’s gonna pout and pose those Indian poses? Who’s gonna demand their picture to be taken at a non-existent good angle? Who’s going to say Sean D Paul, and Oh-Kaaay? Who’s gonna crop everyone out of the picture?

Next week will be the first time I’ll cry for a guy. Boyfy is leaving soon and unlike THE EX, who just leaves whenever we have a fight, I have not cried for him. I told myself I won’t cry when Ili leaves because she said we’re just babies! And yet, I cried, so, I guess, I’m going to cry when he leaves!

I was brought up to not cry at airports because Padrekins was always away when I was young but the thought of the people I love so far away, and anything can change. I love boyfy a lot and I need him around. I mean, we both got into this relationship knowing that it would be long distance. And yet, it still hurts so bad! My BFF left, now my BF is leaving too?

All we could say is, “promise me you’ll love me?” or just, “I love you” Those words will never be able to replace you being here, with me. I know everyone have to leave. If they had the choice, I’m certain they’ll stay. I’m not going to be selfish and demand them to stay.

I’m just going to pray and hope that despite the distance between us, we’ll still love each other. And we’ll love each other forever. As I’m typing this, I hate myself. I HAVE to stop crying. I WILL not succumb to moments of weakness.

Maybe months from now, I’m wishing that I could hug you. I could tell you things. I could be with you, to feel you next to me. But I’ll have to wait. And wait, I shall. Patiently waiting till you come back!! And Darling, when you do, it makes our wait all worth it!!

Till then, little things will remind me of you. Little songs will make me cry. Strangers walking by with a whiff of your perfume will make me turn and look for you. Places that we ate together, gossiping, laughing and getting wasted will no longer make me laugh. I need to stop crying!!!! Shyte!! Anyways, pictures of Ili/Ann’s Farewell and KDUCF Event are in my SPACES PHOTO ALBUM!!!

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