Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Nothing Feels Right When I'm Not With You

Age is just a number of how long you have lived. What is important is how many years you have lived and how far have you achieved in your life- Christy Yong

I’ve turned 21 for almost 2 weeks now. Nothing has changed; there are no wrinkles, no saggy skin, no “laugh lines” and definitely no signs of ageing. Those who knows me well, knows how obsessed I am against ageing. I’ll fly to the nearest reflective surface to check for wrinkles at the mere mention of the O (old) word.

The only thing that has changed is me. I’ve become a stronger person. I’ve learnt to let go. I remembered that I’m the type that tries to work things out. I do that not because I love the person but more on the comfort and I’m too afraid that others won’t accept me. I’ve broken out with the BF and it’s a big step for me.

I know he won’t be able to make up his mind and by breaking up, I hope I’ve help him choose. He was a great guy, honest and all but he’s as confused as hell! He broke up with his ex and got together with me. After a few months, she started calling him and asking him to meet up with her.

That idiot actually went and met her to “hear her out” and at least he told me about it. She wanted him back and he has no idea how he feels about that. He loves me but he likes her. I would have probably stayed with him but I guess I’m adult enough to make such decisions.

Why would I want a guy who is confused about who he wants? Even though he’s with me, He should put me first. Not his ex. And he should’ve said no when she wanted to meet him. Anyways, I can’t do this anymore and one of us has to be the adult and let go.

I was depressed and all and managed to finish a whole cake and I can’t help but cry every time I hear to T-Shirt by Shonelle. “I don’t know if I’m ever gonna let you go, Nothing feels right when I’m not with you, Sick of this dress and this Jimmy Choos, Taking them off coz I feel like a fool, Trying to dress up when I’m missing you, With nothing but you T-Shirt on, Coz I miss you...”

Besides that, I walked to 1U from Uptown and then I actually took the PUBLIC bus to 1U yesterday. I’m more adventurous in terms of doing silly things. I was at Pedlars, 1U (THE BEST SHOP EVER!!) and after some coaxing, I got out of my clothes and tried on the most AMAZING silk, maxi dress that was so gorgeous!!! It’s only 159MYR for the most luxurious silk against your skin!! I couldn’t get it cause it’s not something you can wear to college!

I saw another gorgeous dress in Warehouse and it was just beautiful! It is a simple V-neck dress but the design of the material is of Chinese motifs and it’s just beautiful. Looking for a similar cloth so I could get the tailor to sew the exact dress.

Another thing that I changed is the way I handle my money. I guess, I have more restraining power over myself now. I have enough money to buy the new iPod Chromatic that I’ve been eyeing, the Blackberry that I need and I’m considering the new PSP3000, acute little Guinea Piggy, My trip to HK, and the Coach and Burberry watch I’ve been dreaming of since last year. I know I’m materialistic... Spare me the lecture.

~you know you love me~
Michelle May

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