Thursday, December 25, 2008

Ashamed!

Believe it or not, I sometimes feel ashamed of myself. I feel ashamed that Padrekins has to travel to NY and LA frequently, I feel ashamed that I speak English and a smattering of Spanish better than anybody. I feel ashamed of my Double Major. I feel ashamed of my labeled clothes and tailored dresses. You may think I’m bragging and all but I’m not. Seriously. Period.

I was in the LRT and my colleague called me regarding the software and obviously I was speaking English. Immediately, people in the LRT started looking at me like I’ve suddenly grown 3 eyes, and had sharp fangs! I feel like its wrong for me to speak in English!!

I’ve been in Mid Valley area and commutes using KTM and LRT daily and yet, I don’t feel like a sense of belonging like I have in Damansara area. It’s like I’m an outsider. I don’t belong. It’s as if I can’t conform and I could never be one of them. Them is subjective because I don’t even know how to conform to “them”

Mid Valley isn’t a foreign land or a new frontier, I mean, before 1U, MV was my second home. I hang out there with Shi Ni every subsequent day and I felt like I belonged, someway or another. Maybe I just think too much. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

I can’t wait to go back to Damansara where I feel like I belong. December has been very generous to me. Here’s what I got this month:

1) Loads of new and pretty clothes.
2) I WON CLEO’S JAN LETTER OF THE MONTH!! (I won a LIMITED EDITION BOSS perfume)
BUY JANUARY CLEO AND I’M PUBLISHED!!!
3) I WON EURAIL’S PRINCESS AND A BACKPACK BOOK!! (I *HEART* Eurail and the author handpicked 5 winner across the globe for a copy of a signed book from her!!)
EURAIL IS A EUROPE BASED COACH/ TRAIN SERVICES THAT HAS THE MOST COVERAGE OF EUROPE!!
4) I settled my debts!! (Credit card debts!)
5) Got 800MYR e-voucher from Air Asia for delaying my return flight!! (Blessing in disguise!)
6) Managed to keep up my results!! (Passed ALL with flying colours!!)
7) Got so many bonuses from DiGi and Maxis!!
9) I’m going to PHUKET tomorrow!!!!
10)….. AND MAYBE A ROAD TRIP WITH SHINI IF I’M REALLY, REALLY LUCKY!!

I’ve never thought it was possible for a person to feel so ashamed of what they are and what they have. I’m most ashamed of my worldly, material stuff… It’s a sin!! I came to a conclusion recently that if you have a string of bad luck, you have to do charity.

You see, when you do charity, you’re indirectly “giving” your bad luck away to an under privileged person who already has bad luck. When you “give” your bad luck to another person who has bad luck, it neutralizes the situation and both of you will end up with good luck!

~you know you hate me~
Michelle May
xoxo

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