Sunday, January 18, 2009

I'm only 21... not 41!!

Discovered alcohol when I was 17
We went on our first holiday alone when we were 20

Started clubbing when we were 18

I club an average 2 a year only

Last year, around this time, I was a bad girl. I repented and stayed good for almost one whole year but somehow, people do not appreciate me. I really need to get away from my life. I’m sick of being responsible, boring, good, studious Michelle.

I’m still too young to be a responsible person. I’ve been too busy with my business, work, etc that I rarely find time to be my age. While everyone else goes clubbing, hanging out with their friends, misbehaving, making mistakes, I’m baking, doing chores, gardening, doing other people’s assignment.

Somehow, I’m sick and tired of all these. I’m tired of being me and I just want to make my mistakes and learn from it. I want spontaneity in my life. I want to be able to just be happy. I may seem happy but I’m not. Why does everyone think I have the perfect life? Good job, good university, good prospects but I just want to be able to enjoy my life!!

I’m so frustrated that ever since young, I was the responsible one. I handle and run everything. I never really did have a life all my friends had. I’m not saying that I want to be a wild party animal but at least let me act my age.

Like what Shi Nee said, “I’m glad we didn’t grow up so fast, There’s like certain things that you discover only at certain ages” in this context, she meant that we are supposed to experience different things at different age. For example, we only started drinking when we were 17, clubbing when we were 18, smoked when we were 19 and went on a holiday alone when we were 20.

On average, I only club 2 a year and I turn down an average of 50 clubbing invites a year!! This is true. The most I do is to grab some beers with Shi Nee and attend friend’s birthday parties and that’s about it. I’m just counting down the days till I can run away or go on a holiday to Penang. I don’t want to face the world and its expectations.

Besides that, guys have always been my lowest priority and now all the guys are driving me crazy!! I don’t get them anymore, they confuse me and I just don’t want to face them right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not PMS-ing, I’m just so damn frustrated that I NEED to get away from everyone. I just want them to leave me alone and let me be alone for awhile.

At this point in time, everyone seems to annoy me and I’m trying EXTREMELY HARD to be nice. If I don’t leave, I’m so going to have a mental break down. I’ll be normal when I get back and I can’t wait to go to Aussie next year to explore a new place all on my own.

~you know you envy me~
Michelle May

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