Friday, November 12, 2010

The End, New Beginning

Hope you've enjoyed my Sydney Day Series. Madrekins was here so, we went all over the place. There's still so much here left to be discovered. Today, saw them off at the airport. Kinda sad but I know I have to stay for myself. It's pointless to go back, will probably commit suicide or do something very stupid.

On the way back from the airport, I cried and I felt angry. I felt angry because I somehow wanted to blame it all on him. I'm here, miles away from those I love and know and it's all because of him. I adore everyone here. My aunt, Xavier and my uncle but there is no sense of familiarity. It's like starting over.

I sometimes wish that I've never met him. I wished that I've never screwed up. I wish that I didn't have a heart. I wish I was more like Darrell. I missed the times where I had no emotions, no feelings, and the word 'Hurt' didn't exist in my vocabulary.

I've not seen him for a month now. I've stopped praying for him and he's slowly leaving my mind. I still miss him once in a while though... Uncle got me a train pass so I can travel and familiarize myself with the whole place.

Will be going on buses and trains alone next week. Really thankful to have such wonderful people to open up their home to me. I need a breather and away from all the memories. I screwed up big time back home and I'm over it. I know myself and what's good for me.

It's just a matter of time till I go home. I really miss Patrick and Skipper. Now, I wanna export one of these Patricks home. They are just to cutest little things!!! Oh, Patrick refers to Guinea Pigs.

~you know I'm hurting~
Michelle May
xoox

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