I finally know why I'm so hyped up over my birthday... I'm depressed. You see, I have a very bad bipolar condition when it comes to feelings. When I'm happy, every little thing makes me smile, I'm nice to everyone and I'm like, high on drugs...
When I'm depressed, I don't wanna leave the house and I'm mean to everyone and I hate everything. I'm very much Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Sometimes, I get so depressed that I just wanna be left alone. Please don't interact with me.
I'm leaning towards depression and nobody could see that. A Mac doesn't make you happy, it just distracts you from being depressed and delay the inevitable. I haven't been very happy these past few weeks.
I hate it that no one notices it and I feel sad, angry and lost. I just wanna stay out of the house and go home exhausted and sleep. I don't wanna face my parents. I just wanna do my own shit.
The office can really break your spirit and kill your soul. It takes over your life because you generally spend 10 hours in the office and 2 hours commuting between your office and your house. Thats 12 hours gone out of 24 hours.
I just wanna put sad smileys all over the place but I'm trying hard to fight the depression. I'm trying to be excited about my birthday and present, I'm going out more with my friends to avoid being crazy. But every morning, the depression just comes.
I hate it that everyone wants to have a say about what I should do, how I should act as if I'm their puppet! I have feelings and I'm technically an adult, that gives me constitutional right to practically do anything I want.
I feel so suffocated and controlled. I lost my fighting spirit and I just wanna leave everything and everyone and go away for a few days. What I'm doing now for 12 hours, is painful. The fact I have to go through it everyday? I feel like dying or giving up.
I really don't know, I feel like succumbing to my depression but I don't like myself when I'm depressed. I feel like I'm living a lie and to everyone else besides me, they think I'm the happiest girl in the world. I'm tired. I'm tired of living this lie.
I'm not happy. I'm depressed. I hate everything and I just wanna get lost. Apparently, everything that I do isn't enough. I have to live up to everyone's expectations.