Friday, June 27, 2014

Shit Happens

Apparently, this old, neglected blog of mine has been receiving some anonymous complaints recently. Some anonymous person misinterpreted my blog and complained. According to this person, I'm a drug junkie, free loader that "forced" my students to read my personal blog. 

Those who has been reading my blog knows that this blog has been around for more than 10 years. My stats are clear for all to see that I receive less visitors that Aung San Suu Kii under house arrest. Those who has worked with me also know that I'm professional to the core. 

I would like to reiterate that:

1) I DO NOT use nor condone the use of drugs but I am guilty of abusing alcohol. In my post, I used the word substances to replace alcohol because I wanted to self censor the word so, not to insult my Muslim brothers and sisters. FYI: Drugs that they accuse me of, would normally refer to narcotics or ILLEGAL substances.  

2) "Going to Amsterdam and getting high" is a phrase that my sisters and I use to describe irresponsible behavior and mostly, my sisters are the only ones who reads my blog. FYI: It's more or less like a feeling of euphoric fun and irresponsibility and Amsterdam. Please, watch some movies.  

3) Focusing on my job doesn't mean teaching because being a teacher, my job doesn't only require me to teach. I have other aspects of my job such as writing my paper and applying for scholarships and also, writing my research proposals for my PhD. FYI: Read my previous blog on how I love doing what I do, before you judge me. Do not be jealous of someone who actually has a job they enjoy while you're probably unemployed. 

4) What I am guilty of is, I NEVER edit my posts and everything you read is straight from my mind and that is somewhat wrong because people are able to misrepresent what you mean. On the other hand, this is ME. I am open with my feelings and my feelings are raw. 

It saddens me that sadistic haters exists in this world. But then again, I am held responsible for my words, thoughts and actions and I can be accountable for this but, if since you're anonymous, how accountable and responsible are you? 

Well, All I want to say is, good job. Please show yourself so I can add you to my focus group. I'm in the midst of writing a paper of honesty and anonymity on social media, is it a bad thing or a good thing? and if you would like to participate, please, tell me. 

I have a clue on who you are cause my blog rarely get any hits, I receive less than 10 readers per post. So, nothing is preventing me from running a reverse IP check. But, I'm not going to because I want you to reveal yourself. 

Just because I'm an educator, that doesn't mean I'm not a human being with no emotions and not entitled to my own thoughts. I can say that I'm a better human being than you claim to be. So, I'm taking this as a learning process to edit my words and thoughts to prevent it from being misconstrued by irresponsible parties. 

Thank you for teaching me this lesson. I have indeed, been taking to power of this blog for granted. Its funny how they pick a few lines to attack my character but neglecting to see my real character through all my other posts. 

Unfortunately, you mess with the wrong person. I have a wholesome character and I'm ready to defend it whenever the need arises and I believe that you're somebody if you have haters. Best of all, if you have anonymous haters. 

I also accept responsibility for phrasing out words, that you may misconstrue.  

I stole this image from TotemHead because it sums up what I feel.

I'm a Catholic and I say Our Father 5 times a day and this is how it goes:

Our Father who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name,
Thy Kingdom come, 
Thy will be done, 
On Earth as it is in Heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us, of our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us. 
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil. 

To end this post, I quote you Ephesians 4:31-32
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Getting Married - Pre Wedding Gown

So, on the 23 June 2014, I went back to Enya Mareine to choose 2 gowns which I will use for my pre wedding shoot in JB. Debbie was assigned to me to find out the types of gowns that I would prefer. She asked me about the colors, "ALL WHITE. EVERYTHING IS WHITE" and then asked me about the cut, "Classic, simple, elegant and ABSOLUTELY NO MERMAID CUTS" I told her that I don't have a particular dream gown that I want but something that is  classic, simple, elegant and white. She then took us upstairs where we waited and she picked out a few gowns for me to try according to my taste. 

This was the first gown I tried on after putting on a can can. I immediately fell in love with the gown because it's sooo ME! It has little lace sleeves and the prettiest lace at the bottom of the gown and I was so excited! I found THE gown for the church wedding. I feel that the gown choosing is going to be fast! But, boy, was I wrong!!! 

This was how gorgeous the dress was. It fulfilled all my requirements. Oh! Dress choosing doesn't mean that you pick the dress and it's ready to wear, no. It doesn't work that way. You pick the dresses that you like and they will alter the dress to your size and to fit you and then, you come back in 1.5 months time to fit the dress. So, most of the dresses here don't really fit me yet. 

This was the second dress which I hesitated to try when I saw it. My mom and Karin was like, nah.... and Debbie coax me and told me that the layers of the dress will make great pictures! She was really good at explaining the types of the dress because I thought it looked like a dessert! But, Debbie was very persuasive. And I reluctantly tried it on.

This was the only dress that had uneven layers at the bottom that Debbie picked for me and everyone was breathless. The dress looked simply stunning. When I showed the picture to Hubby, he was like, "This is the dress... Did I pick it?" It's not my style but it was just gorgeous.

 I kept telling Debbie that it's not something I would wear but, since its my wedding, I'm gonna try and pick this dress. 

Another detail that Debbie shared with me was, the dress hasn't been worn because its halter neck and not many Asian girls can pull the halter neck look because they don't have the bust and it looked spectacular on me but it won't look good on a skinnier, smaller bust girl. And I'm in love with the corset back of the dress. 

This was the third dress I tried on and it was beautiful as well. This is a 2 piece gown, a full skirt and a corset top. This also looked great but it needs A LOT of alteration because the skirt was too big for me and the corset was also too big for me. But overall, it made a gorgeous dress!

This was how loose the dress was on me.. I love the full billowing skirt and all but maybe its too big that I cannot imagine how it would actually look on me.

This was the fourth gown that I tried on but I wasn't too happy with it cause it looked awkward. The waist on the dress didn't really sat on my natural waist. 

This was the last dress that I tried on that I shorlisted for the church wedding. It has 3/4 lace sleeve and a full billowing skirt like Kate Middleton's wedding gown. I envisioned that it will look gorgeous with a Cathedral veil. What do you think? They will have to do LOTS of alterations if I chose this for my church wedding.

Managed to make Mummykins try on a gown just so I can see how she looked in a wedding gown. We cheekily sent Daddykins a picture and all he could say was, "Looks good!" HAHAHAH! 

We had a great time and my "short" visit turned out to be 3 hours long! Again, I would like to thank Enya Mareine and Debbie for such warm hospitality that always exceeds our expectations. 

Monday, June 23, 2014

My Job: Being A Teacher

Today, I'm gonna take a break from all the wedding preparations and just talk about my job. 

Picture credit to The Blue Street Journal

Dear People That Think I Have The Easiest Job, 

My job is not easy. I answer your child's questions such as "Why We Get Angry?" "What Is Love?" "Why Do We Use Money?" and at the same time, give your children confidence so that they can be effective speakers, encourage your child to think critically, let your child explore, make mistakes and correct their mistakes. 

Most importantly, when you're busy working and watching football or sleeping, I'm the one your child turn to to talk about his personal life. Yes, many said that its unprofessional to blur the lines of boundaries between a lecturer and student but I say, FUCK IT! 

Your child tells me about how they were abused, how, you, their parents are too busy, and they love talking about the girl they like, asking me, for my advice and I, in turn, share my stories with them. 

You see, I teach Foundation in a University College in Malaysia and teaching wasn't my choice AT ALL. It was a temporary gig (ala Jack Black in School Of Rock) that turned into 1 year andmany more years to come. 

I didn't teach because the pay is good or because of the flexible working hours. I stayed in this job for more than 1 year because I felt that I was making a difference to my students, just by spending time with them and being there for them. Trust me, because the pay is shitty (Evidently my students drive better cars than I do!) and officially, I work 5 hours a day but I spend every other passing minute availing myself to them, to talk or to seek help. 

My friends and colleagues tell me that, Why do I bother to invest so much in them because after 1 year in Foundation, they will most likely to forget me? I live with this quote:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” 

― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love

I'm not their soul mate, but I'm that someone that changes their lives, that tears down their walls, just so, they can change their lives or make better decisions. 

I realized something that parents never do, or never can do. No matter what age your child is, they always have something to share. They are not asking for attention or for solutions, they just want someone to listen. 

If that moment in time, I can be there for your child, I would. It's been slightly more than a year I'm a teacher, looking back, I would still do this in a heartbeat. 

I still don't know if what I'm doing is good/bad or right/wrong, Honestly, I don't care. All I know is that, I'm doing the RIGHT thing, for them...

Getting Married - CMPC

A pre requirement in order to get marry in a Catholic church is to complate the CMPC which is the Catholic Marriage Preparation Course and yesterday (22/6/2014) was our first session. There were 7 other couples and maybe its the first class but I'm just not feeling it. 

Why? I started teaching Social Sciences last semester and one of the topic was Love. Emotions and feelings tend to get lost when you use science and religion. From the first class, I felt as if they or the church is heaping their expectations on us. Which is quite the irony because the CMPC class discussed about how the media and culture is heaping their expectations on us. 

I feel as if everyone wants to heap their expectations on us. I understand that marriage is a full time job and etc, etc... But, they (The church/Catholic people/CMPC) wants to control every aspect of our lives. They have sections where they discuss the Catholic / acceptable way to have sex, what is expected of the husband/wives, how to act and etc. 
I hope that next week will be more enjoyable or its gonna be a very loooong 7 weeks just to get marry in a church. I'm exhausted. I truly am. Bad enough, we have to handle visa issues, then, the church has issues and so many requirements and after this, Visa application and I'm supposed to juggle all of this with my full time job, providing pastoral care for my students, work to "sell" my own course, go for training, write a paper and plan my wedding ALL AT THE FUCKING SAME TIME. 

I'm beginning to wonder if anyone actually cares? Because I'm fucking tired of caring and I'm just trying to please everyone except myself. I'm trying to please the church, the Government, and KDU. 

I really can't wait to be done with all these marriage "pre requirements" and just be married already! Why can't they take one day at a time and not teach us 1001 ways IF each scenario happens? I'm really tired. Maybe I should just get knocked up to speed the process up and maybe then, it will be about me. 

P.S: In a room filled with adults, the mere mention of sex made everyone giggle like naughty school girls. Didn't feel like they were matured. Sex is a perfectly normal thing to do yet, they are behaving stupidly! 

God, please grant me the wisdom and patience to cope with all these nonsense. Amen.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Getting Married - Wedding Guest Book

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these images, I found them off Google Image search and credit goes to the original photographer / Owner of the images. 

I thought that it was ridiculous to buy a whole book when I only had 50-60 guests and, at least 10-15 of them are the invited guests, plus one or kids. 

And I thought that guestbooks are so gaudy and ugly and something that you put into a biscuit tin and shove under the bed. 

What I really wanted a customizable wooden tree puzzle guest book that is really gorgeous and it looks something like this.. 

It's gorgeous isn't it? You can customize it to 75 pieces, 100 pieces, 105 pieces or whatever that suits you! You can find it HERE. Unfortunately, I cannot afford it cause its 3.5 exchange rate here in Malaysia. If money wasn't an issue, I would've gotten this in a heart beat. 

So, I decided to be more frugal and since I can't find something that I like, I might as well make it, right? I wanted to do something that I could frame and hang in the living room. I decided to use these 2 as my inspiration and decided to merge them! I'm gonna get my Graphic Designer sister to do a silhouette of me and my hubby (Cue, Picture on the Right) and we are gonna make lots of tiny heart messages (Cue, Picture on the Left) 

And, just my luck, Papier in The Curve was having Sales, but then, so does the whole of Malaysia and I found this stunning device from Martha Stewart called the Layering Punch. You can punch out 2 types of heart, lightly glue them together to make 1 lovely hearts.

And I got these papers for a steal because they're from Daiso and a whole pack costs about RM5! And Daiso has really pretty origami papers.

So, I think my bridesmaids are gonna have their hands full!

Monday, June 16, 2014

Getting Married - Wedding Band

If I said that I didn't actually got my ideal / dream wedding band, would it come as a shock to you? 
I was willing to scrimp on everything, EXCEPT my wedding band (To justify, I will be wearing it till I'm dead!) and my wedding photographers (To show my children, grandchildren, etc of their heritage) 

 This Ballerine Ring on the right is my dream ring. It's simple, classic and the best part, it goes perfectly with my engagement ring. This ring costs about RM10,500 from Cartier. 
I thought it was obscene to spend that amount of money when I found out that DeGem my go-to jeweler was able to custom made should I require a wedding band to stack with my engagement ring. I got to know the DeGem team at 1 Utama personally when I got my engagement ring from their Lazare diamond. At this point, I was somewhat confused, I didn't really want to copy the Cartier one and the hipster in me wanted an obviously different /unstackable wedding band from my engagement ring. But, I wanted diamonds. LOTS OF IT! 
This was my creation that DeGem did a rough outline of. It has 2 intertwined rows of diamonds and with a X angle to somewhat compliment my engagement ring. 

So, I sent my engagement ring to be plated which was an easy job because its been almost 2 years and platinum is perfect for daily wear but I neglected to keep it clean/safe. Bumped my diamond here and there... So, over the weekend, after many prototypes that DeGem made for us, this was the moment of truth!

First, my engagement ring was so sparkly, I could hardly recognize it! Can you see the shine? It was amazing! Secondly, The Hubby also had a custom made ring, 100% platinum with a small, hidden diamond. Lastly, my wedding band is so PERFECT that I cried.

This is how the rings look like stacked. The X design on the band complimented the engagement ring perfectly. It doesn't over shadow the engagement ring but it brings out the shine and the curves of the engagement ring. Its like our marriage. When we're together, it brings out the best of us. Oh, mine is 100% platinum and total weight of diamonds are 0.2...

So, this is the final product. I can say that I love my rings very, very much and the only problem is, The Hubby is not letting me wear my ring until the ceremony in November when the priest bless the rings. 

The total costs for these 2 custom made wedding bands from DeGem? A whole RM11,000. Actually, it costs way more, but we are great customers and we are buying more jewelry from them so, we got a whole lot of discount since The Hubby's ring was already RM8000 and mine was RM5500. 

I would love to hear your wedding ring stories! Do send them my way! 

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Getting Married - Pre Wedding Jitters.

I asked The Hubby last night, how does he know, if I'm The One? His answer was "I don't know if you're The One" shocked me because I was waiting for some divine intervention to tell me that "He's The One!" but he married me even though he doesn't know that I'm The One. 

But I guess, it's not the right thing to do. 

I asked The Hubby "Why did you marry me even though you don't know if I'm The One?" His reply was simply, "No one really knows if he/she is marrying The One. You just pray and live everyday hoping that the person you marry is The One" 

My boss told me that, "Whether or not he's The One, no one really knows, not God, not you, not anyone, but, the question is, Is he The One, for you? Are you going to make him, The One?" 

Clearly, I need some clear, fresh air in my head and The Hubby added that, "You might not be The One, but you're the one that I love very much and the only one that can break my heart" 

I'm still trying to figure out if he's The Right One but I watched The Notebook and stumbled across this quote that will pretty much sum up my search. 

I guess I got my answer, marriage is gonna be hard work because everyday, I have to make him My Right One. 

Please, share your pre-wedding jitters stories with me! Would love to hear them!!! 

Friday, June 06, 2014

Getting Married -

I found the perfect site to set up your own Wedding website/blog if you're up for it! It's FREE, easy and customizable. The BEST PART? You can order matching wedding invites!!!! How cool is it? I'm seriously going all out OCD to get matching wedding invites! 


Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Getting Married - Wedding Favors

I never wanted to give out wedding favors because I thought that it was unnecessary, extra effort and waste of money. Until I stumbled upon Malaysia Favors and I realised that wedding favors doesn't have to be pricey and/or ugly. 

I chose these pretty Calla Lily Candles from Malaysia Favors and I paid RM195 for 60 pieces and delivery to my home. 

Another shop is SS2U and you can choose from towels to chopsticks to bookmarks, keychains, bath stuff and a whole lot more! 

Or you can check House of Favors for candles, wine, potpourri, and etc.. 

We (FINALLY) decided on a small, intimate church wedding and tea break all at the church and we're inviting about 60 people max. This was our argument most of the time because I would love to invite all my students while he wants as small as possible. 

So, 60 guests are already too many but we hope that everything goes well and smooth! And I cannot wait for the wedding favors to arrive!