Tuesday, November 18, 2014

My Great Big Shitty Wedding PART 2: THE DAY

8/11/2014 (SATURDAY) 

As I woke up, I had breakfast with my family while waited for the videographer/photographer/make up artist/ and got ready by showering and etc. 

Still no word from him. Part of me just died because "What if he didn't want this whole marriage thing?"  

I felt, as if, I was forcing him into something that he didn't want. Maybe that's why he acted out yesterday. Maybe he didn't want to get married. Maybe he didn't love me. Maybe he found someone else in Nigeria? I was going crazy and it's impossible to list every single thing that was going through my head. 

To make things worse, I HAD to pretend that I was excited, that I'm the bride and watching everyone prepare themselves and prepare me for MY day. 

I didn't want anyone to even know about the crazy thoughts that was in my head. I was terrified, upset and my emotions wasn't intact. 

I've always pride myself on knowing all the psychological theories and formulas and how to handle emotions but everything, just went out the window. I felt scared, lost, angry, etc. 

By 1PM, I was ready to go to church, but the driver wasn't here, The hubby wasn't answering his phone and guests are already in the church. When I got them to look for the hubby, none of them saw him. At this point, I was already losing my marbles. "What if he doesn't show up?"

The driver finally arrived at 1:20PM. Mass starts at 1:30PM.... I was furious to the point of shouting at him. I was so sick on my way to the church. The hubby is still not answering calls or whatsoever. No one saw him in church. 

I finally arrived in church at 2PM. I was fucking late for my own wedding and it wasn't even my fault. I just grabbed Eunice into the prayer room to pray. At this point, I don't know if I can do it by myself. I'm a lost lamb. I really need God to be my shepherd and grant me peace. 

The church wedding was absolutely beautiful and I loved every second of it. I vividly remember that I was peaceful, certain and God was there to calm me down. 

Once the church wedding was over, that's when all hell breaks lose. 

No comments: